: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
