I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's blow job season.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
