nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
