From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
