I want to have your abortion
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
