I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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