I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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