i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
