Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
