If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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