she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
