Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
