ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
