Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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