Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think your dad took our porno
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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