idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize