I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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