wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Text me some of your sweat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
