youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
