he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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