how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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