You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
