I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
