Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
