i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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