he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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