threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
