Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
