it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
