So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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