Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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