he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have already put on my inside pants.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
