omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
