I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
