I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
