someone threw a dead crab at me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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