Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
