yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
