You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We need a shit load of segways right now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize