babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
