I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
