Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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