you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize