If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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