weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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