Say something about gay babies.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
