Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
