dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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