Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So squirting runs in the family.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
