I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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