Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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