so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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