Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I did not marry a roomba.
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