the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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