Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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