She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
