a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
