Quick, to the slutcave!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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