I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's rum buckets o'clock
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
