hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
