4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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