I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
