you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
