My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
