If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God, I missed his penis.
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