You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
