Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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