I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize