Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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