I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think i have herpe
just one?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
