imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
