I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
