if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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