not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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