LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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