no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
