He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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