he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
