yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i came on her dog
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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