Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
