But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
