I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
