is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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