there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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