I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize