We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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