White coat. Heels.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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