dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
