Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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